Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Mission Viejo

Funny little sign my co-workers constructed on my birthday.
At some point since my last post I turned 40. Yes go ahead, hit me with the whole "I'm so sorry," like one of my fav pilates clients did earlier this week. She was serious. That made it even better, but only because she's probably 20 years older than me and of course, I identified. But it is what it is, right? And you know what, it's pretty effing awesome.

Why? The list is very long but I'm happy to try: I have amazing friends both near and far who make my life richer each day; I have a spectacular family who not only supports me in my craziness but totally enables and encourages it; I have a new home that I am having a great time adapting to suit my tastes and the needs of my incredible dogs; and I have a really challenging yet very rewarding career with co-workers, peers and colleagues who help me grow and evolve each day. So when I say it that way I'm like, "Hell yes I'm 40 bitch, and I own it!"

I have lived just long enough to recognize patterns, and to grow intolerant of repeating the ones I find unhealthy. It is a struggle to correct some of them, but the blessing and grace is the recognition, and the mounting sense of urgency to make changes for a sustainable future. Sure I am flexible (always have been and, of course, I am a pilates junkie) which means I can still drop it down low and sweep the floor with it, but now I think more about my life as an "aging gay" and if I happen to live a long time, I don't want to be a burden to those who will assume responsibility for my care. I can see it now, "Watch out orderly, he might be 75 and delusional with a frightening face full of plastic surgery, but he has wicked lateral hip rotation and has been practicing 'Kill Bill' moves for a really long time."

So what do I want to accomplish in my 40th year? Since I've now failed at getting on a 40 Under 40 list, I think I'll just focus on finishing some commitments through 2011, working on my house, and taking some time to breathe, enjoy my life, and read some more books. I'm putting it in neutral and observing ... at least until my next big motivation.

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