Thursday, April 29, 2010

I AM NOT AN ANIMAL!

If I found myself in Wonder Woman's lasso of truth (again) I don't think I'd struggle as much because the truth is, rope burns take a really long time to heal. And when she asked, "Did you vacuum this week?" I would say "NO! Because I HATE to vacuum."

After this awkward exchange she would ask me to accompany her in her invisible jet to somewhere really exotic and tropical as a reward for owning my hate of the vacuum - which of course links directly to my hate of carpet - and it would be my hope I'd get to wear some of my new bathing suits but, for now, let's not put the jet in front of the vacuum cleaner. Because I have a dog, I have to vacuum. A lot. And because I like anything that professes to be superior, I'm now obsessed with getting a Dyson vacuum cleaner. Specifically the one called "Animal."

Incidentally, "Animal" was always my favorite muppet, so I take that as a sign I should have this vacuum cleaner. Maybe I'll read some reviews. Maybe I'll try Freecycle. Maybe I'll sell an organ. I think the TRUTH as we know it, Wonder Woman, is I will have a new vacuum cleaner. Because life is too short for my inferior Eureka. If' I'm going to vacuum, I want to create a tornado of suction capable of sucking chrome off a trailer hitch. End of story.

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