Friday, August 15, 2008


In these times of Olympic toil and trouble - can we all agree that 2008 is the year of Olympic Hot Mess? - I suspect everyone is feeling all proud and happy for Michael Phelps.

Everyone, that is, except me.

Now, sure, I love that he has a whole chest full of gold medals but I have a few things to say about Phelps.

1.) All of the coverage/stories I've seen seem to dwell on the fact that he's incapable of doing anything other than swimming. I'm all about doing what you do well, well, but come on - swimming and playing Wii and that's your life? What do we think will happen post-Bejiing? Sponsorship deals? Public speaking gigs? What exactly will be his content? I guess that's my rant - I think he lacks any content other than super human athletic prowess.
2.) It would not surprise me to learn that he has some sort of chromosomal mutation. I know, I am the least qualified person on the planet to speculate because what the Hell do I know about it, but I just look at him and I see genetic mutation. It's in his mouth and ears. He has that Igor look. And we all know Igor was just really misunderstood.
3.) He should really add something healthy to his 12,000 calorie-per-day diet. I like to think some green vegetables would be a good place to start but what do I know? I'm still Captain Muffin Top and he's, well, not.

And that concludes Friday's Judgement. I don't know why I feel compelled to judge and now that I have, I might feel a little guilty and sorta want to take it all back. Kind of.


walktrotcanter said...

AGREED! A guy at work just got mad at me b/c I mentioned how I am so tired of hearing about this guy and seeing his pic everywhere I turn. I am happy for him but um, there are other sports and athletes at these olympics as well, aren't there?? (YEA Gina Miles!!!)

Jorja said...

I thought I was the only one who was not feeling the Phelps love. If y'all think the coverage is overdone nationally, I live .05 miles from were he trained. It's all Phelps all the time here.

Such said...

the boy got a $1 million bonus from Speedo for getting the 7th gold. I don't think we need to worry about what is next for him. There is for sure a Wheaties box in his future.