Monday, March 31, 2008

Kick On!

So this weekend Maddie and I loaded up Banzai and went trucking over to Pine Mountain, Georgia, to a big horse trials at Poplar Place Farm. My dear friend Meg from Tulsa and her mother, who are like family to me, had made the long haul to compete. I used to groom for Meg at big competitions so it was fun to get back in the barn and help a little although a.) I did not put on Duffy's bridle in this picture because that figure-8 noseband is totally not adjusted correctly and b.) I did not have to do the caulks in his shoes so YAY for no sore back!

Duffy is a neat big horse - a Clover Hill grandson on the top out of a Cruising mare - that Meg brought over from Ireland a few years ago. Of course, he promptly colicked and had to have surgery twice, so he's just now getting back into his competition groove. He's a fun one with a big licky tongue and I felt totally relaxed being in the stall with him. Horse therapy is good stuff!

Ouisie, with her little fat gray self, had a wretched breeding report last Friday. Her uterus is all crazy messed up - fluid and possible cysts, tipped at the pelvis, tone not good - so we won't be breeding her this year. But she's still precious so we might just find her a little job to do that is appropriate to her abilities.

Strange weather. 80 and hot on Saturday; misty gray and 50's yesterday morning. I had to watch the cross-country in a borrowed fleece with Duffy's wool cooler wrapped around me!

Friday, March 28, 2008

How Would You Feel?

I love this song. I know it's old but I love it anyway so there. I also love old-school track jackets which are so 2005 but I love them anyway, so there even more. There infinity. There, I said it.

I am awake way too early because one can never just get their work done so I'll be embarking for the proverbial salt mine here in the next hour or so. I honestly look in the mirror every day and am just watching my face go. I'm turning into an old man! Life is too short for all this crazy stress.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

I Swear, I Stand, My Niece Was My Witness ...

At some point softballs became bright yellow (and we all know how I feel about bright yellow), and it was good.

I am not sure if I've ever shared my penchant for softball and relative associated skill. I am not sure I'd go to the categorical badass level, but I can hold my own.

Which is why I opted to buy a bag of softballs, and new bat, and engaged my baby nieces and cousins in a little softball practice on Easter Sunday prior to the annual egg hunt.

My sister was a great softball player, and her husband was a star baseball athlete, so it's no surprise that both of her girls, ages 12 and 7-nearing-8, have great arms and show some athletic prowess in the sport.

As you may also know, Uncle Brother (that's me) has a little problem with self-regulation. It's either wide-open or don't bother. So after 30 minutes of skill-level-appropriate practice, I decided I would try to hit a big pop-up out to my 12 year-old niece. Except I made a direct connection and hit a very impressive line-drive right in the direction of the 7 year-old. Who, with her little pink and black glittery softball glove, starts making an effort to catch it when, of course, it bounced on the ground 10 feet in front of her and found trajectory speed to connect directly on her left knee and thusly took her out. Yes, flat on the back out.

She commenced to wailing and I commenced to panic, feeling like Shitty McUncleston, despite my initial assessment that she was fine. It lead to her father, a firefighter with specialized EMT training, finding an ice wrap in my mother's house (And sidebar - when did my mom get good stuff like ice wraps? When I was a kid and, oh, got dragged by a horse for 20 feet with foot stuck in the stirrup positively spraining my ankle I was told, "you'll be aight.") and treating her knee to the point that I thought we were going to have to get x-rays.

My sister was sorta even throughout the whole ordeal and kept saying, under her breath, "She's just highly dramatic." A few minutes later someone found a stick that looked a bit like a crutch, which she eagerly used for about 20 minutes, making me feel even shittier. But when the egg hunt started, she was miraculously healed! I still felt shitty but then she found the prize egg and all was right with the world.

Moral of story: You're 36. She's 7.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Cirque du Soleil

Daddy is about to hit the studio for a 6:30 a.m. workout on the Cadillac with Mama. Mama is a tigress, y'all, and she has been to some more training and keeps telling me she's going to have me doing some "Cirque du Soleil" moves. I can't wait. Like Edina Monsoon on "Absolutely Fabulous" when tele-consulting with her physician over an Rx and being told the pills could kill her, I say, "I want them to kill me!" Anytime I work out on the Cadillac I have this euphoric feeling for the rest of the day, so this will be a fantastic way to begin Good Friday.

I am going to college gymnastics - the whitest thing ever - tonight, then off to the coast bright and early tomorrow morning to spend Easter with my family. I cannot wait.

Happy Easter!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Bitch Tits

Lately I have been obsessing over whether or not I have bitch tits. I really do NOT want to have bitch tits - I want to have the pecs of Adonis - but what I don't want is for anyone to confirm that my tits are sorta bitchy because I will seriously go have them cut off, like, this afternoon. Instead, I have discovered the assisted dip bar at the gym and have made it MY bitch. I hope this repetitive exercise gets me a little farther away from saggy saggy.

Pilates is interesting. Because the work focuses on stabilizing the shoulder girdle and the lumbo-pelvic region of the torso, the pecs and the upper traps aren't really focused on because tightness in those muscles can lead to instability and loss of flexibility. I have to be careful with what I do in the gym because I don't want it to compromise what I'm doing in the pilates studio.

And can I also just say that so many of the people working out at the gym - guys mostly - are killing their bodies with poor form and horrid repetitive work? From my eyewitness news position on my arc trainer I witness a whole cadre of jerking movement to the lumbar region. Hello L5 injury!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008


Sunday was about Ouisie. I had to go love on her which meant grooming - one of her favorite things - and a walk across the gravel road to munch on some new spring grass, which is another of her favorite things.

There is a quote attributed to Sir Winston Churchill which goes, "There is something about the outside of a horse that does wonders for the inside of a man."

I think that sums it up pretty nicely.

Ouisie is going to the vet this week to get her parts checked, then the next step will be to undertake Pregnancy 2008. Do a little fertility dance!

Monday, March 17, 2008


Shake 1 oz. Bacardi Golden Rum and 1/2 oz. Creme de Banana in a cocktail shaker with ice. Strain into a martini glass and finish with Izze sparkling pomegranate juice. I invented this cocktail on Saturday night when I may or may not have been watching "Troy" on DVD. My friend JD thought they were awesome too so let's all recognize that if I ever get sacked from my current position there may be a career for me in cocktail R&D.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Saturday, March 15, 2008


My friend Kirsten's trailer for her movie "Faux." Check it out!

Friday, March 14, 2008

So last night I taught pilates, went to the gym and did half an hour on the elliptical machine, was feeling all "health health health, sweetie," when lo and behold a text invitation to join some buddies at Pepito's was awaiting me when I hopped back into my car.

I'd like to say I held out and took the high road but you know I didn't. Sometimes I take the low road. And if by low road you mean 2 Corona Lights and a vegetarian chimichanga then, well, I hit the flo', next thing I know, Robby got low low low.

I did make it home in time to catch "Make Me A Supermodel" and all I can say is it's getting down to the nitty-gritty. I'd like to see Perry voted off but only because I think he's an asshole. And speaking of MMASm ... y'all, they were in New Orleans last weekend and guess who else was? ME! For serious. I don't know how I missed them other than the fact that I was in pilates training both days for most of the day and, well, it is New Orleans - not really a super small town, right?

Here's a pic of the guest suite at my friend's place where I stayed on the weekend. Isn't it gorgeous? My super friend JG hooked me up with it. It's nice to have an authority figure looking out for you!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Clothing: I Hate Myself For Loving You

You may or may not know that I think life is too short to have clothes that you hate or are sick of, or quite simply adopt a total ABC attitude toward your items of apparel and when they ask, "I thought you loved me but it seems you don’t care," you respond, "I care enough to know I can never love you."

In typical Robby fashion, however, I tend to keep clothes around for two seasons too long because I feel sorry for them. It's a totally acceptable state of fickleness. So you should know that to alleviate this torment I do always donate my castaways to a local non-profit or to my father, who will wear anything. He's honestly like the village chief in "The Poisonwood Bible" who wore a purple sweater and horn rimmed glasses with no lenses.

Right now I'm going through a wretched time identifying my "style." I am a 100% deconstructed aficionado. I don't want lots of form or rigidity to my wardrobe. This doesn't work so well for "dress up" occasions. What's a guy to do?

One thing is for certain. I'm about to clean the closets for realz and say goodbye to a bunch of apparel with a goal for Spring/Summer to be easy and breezy. Which pair of these Pumas do you like best?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Rollover is a whore.

And, as such, it's awesome.

If you can think of bringing your pubic bone toward your nose without collapsing through your torso and, oh yeah, doing it all from your abdominals, then you're well on your way to mastering this most excellent exercise.

I'm in the process of practice teaching matwork and continuing my apprentice teaching on the reformer. Just 3 short months and I'll be testing for my certification. I'm actually really excited about it. It's a big challenge for me and that is something I need in my life!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Hall of Fame

If you didn't watch Madonna's acceptance speech at last night's induction into the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame, check YouTube today or just put your television on VH1 as I'm sure they'll play it ad nauseum over the next few weeks.

I felt it was very sincere, witty, and for Madonna, very humble.

Even though she now has a big Botox face, I still think she's pretty relevant. I'll be interested to hear her new album when it drops in April.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Celebrity Lesbian

It was not my intention to blog about Bjork today. I mean, I will admit I went through a little Bjork phase back in the Debut days, and I did like her greatest hits album because I sorta dig the song "Hyberballad," but she lost me with her extreme trip-hoppiness on the Post album, and we used to laugh that she was way too Frank Sinatra when we were driving to raves and doing the things that young people did in the mid-90's. Those were not optimal Bjork times, my friends.

Loved her performance in "Dancer In The Dark," and would recommend that film to anyone. In summation, I don't deny Bjork her Bjorkiness and admittedly, bitch knows how to work a photograph.

However, I haven't had a Bjork thought in yearsforever and so it surprised me when I dreamed about her last night. And it was a very Bjorky dream. She was performing on Saturday Night Live, and Amy Pohler was dressed like her and carrying around a small child who looked just like her in the skit that introduced the performance. In her Bjork character, Pohler said something to the effect of "Watch out, celebrity lesbian coming through."

Then, the music started (typical Bjork sorta marchy rhythm), then Bjork comes out dressed in this black feathery-yet-Mongolian costume sitting on a big woman who was supposed to be a horse although she was dressed in this pink feathery costume, and all I remember was her singing in her little Bjork voice, "If you ever meet a celebrity lesbian ..." and then there were some other hokey lyrics though I'm too traumatized to recall them.

What do you think this means?

Friday, March 07, 2008

Me and Underwear

I have a little problem buying underwear when I a.) don't really need it and b.) cannot seem to discard it. Does this mean I wear holey underwear? No, that's not what this means. On the Robby List of "Life's Too Short To Fillinblank" wearing ratty drawers is right up there with sleeping on questionable sheets or not using high quality moisturizer on your face. What it means is that I seriously have a drawer full of shorts that I can barely close when all of the inventory is clean.

What's the protocol for getting rid of underwear? Dust rags? Good God, I don't dust enough to use them all. I have some sort of cheap compass that occasionally manifests and I simply cannot discard a functional garment. But is life too short to have bad underwear decisions still milling about, like an ex you cannot just cut loose?

You tell me. I'm all ears!

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Hate On Me: II

There u go
Just because I let u go
There u go
Talking bout u want me back
Well sometimes it be like that ...

It's not that I don't love Christian. I don't. It's just that I really don't love his "I'm so great" attitude. And I really abhor his dead skunk hair. That is TOTALLY going to be a hair regret one day and no I'm not just saying that because I have no hair. Please, if I had hair, you should know I'd probably still shave it all off. Hair is for bitches, okay?

I feel like Rami should've won Project Runway. Christian had the support of fembot Victoria Beckham but his collection was too costume. Rami showed range and showed a lot of wearable. I loved how Jillian styled her show and think she has a future if she could just get herself energized and tackle it with gusto!

I should tell you that while we no longer have Project Runway to anchor it, SUPERFAB is still on. Wednesday nights at my place. Bring your bitchiness and rock on!


Wednesday, March 05, 2008

The Bones, Baby, The Bones ...

If we speak in terms related to Psychogeometrics, I'm totally a Squiggle. This is why, I think, I'm able to look past most of the trauma that occurs in my life. Quite frankly, I just don't care. It's not because I purposely choose to not care even though morally I have zero tolerance for individuals who hold grudges and model these self-righteous "I deserve fillintheblank," or "My value fillintheblank" behaviors. Here's the reality, dumbass, you don't deserve anything and you really have no value to anyone but yourself. Go ahead and Get Right. My Squiggleness just is what it is. I tend to see big pictures and am always looking out on the horizon and relish in possibility.

The great big sucky side of being a Squiggle is that it's really difficult for me to batten down the hatches and focus on anything. My ideas are great. My actions need work.

I have a really great friend here in Ttown - a fellow Squiggle - who gave me this book for Christmas. It's called "Writing Down The Bones" and was written by Natalie Goldberg. What an amazing gift! As a Squiggle I vowed to read it and as part of my attempt to evolve into an actionable Squiggle, I am! It's an easy read, but chock full of amazing wisdom and advice. It's making me happy, and I am hopeful that this vacuum I find myself in - where I'm so busy that I don't retain a lot of information or slow down to sort out the details - will be escapable via my writing efforts.

Step 1 is to write. That's where I am right now!

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Sleeping In - My New Thing

I'm here to tell you what ... hitting the hay at 9:30 p.m. and waking up at 6:30 a.m. is SWEEEEETTTTTTTT! I don't know why my black ass is so tired. All I know is that I went to the pilates studio last night, worked out for an hour and a half, couldn't find my keys anywhere when I got ready to leave which sorta freaked me out because I was locked in and all I could think was, "OMG, I'm going to have to sleep on the Cadillac!" then I came home and a few hours later, I was toast.

We had another one of our hell bender thunderstorms last night so Maddie was a bit restless. And in my efforts to try to lose 3 pounds before Tuesday so I'll have met my Scaleback Alabama's team goal of losing 10 pounds each I drank a BUNCH of water yesterday so that meant I was Old Man Robby and had to get up in the middle of the night to have a slash.

And now for a long overdue Rhodes Point update. On second thought, actions speak louder than words.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Red Lentils Day

Are you marveling at my little reference to Pet Shop Boys in the title of this entry? Admit it, you are. You so are. Granted their song was called "Red Letter Day" but that's what makes it an allusion - a reference - right? And now go forth into your day humming the lyrics, "All I want ... is what you want."

OK, I'm now 100% paranoid about how white I am. You have no idea how crushing this is to me. Honestly, most people who know me know that I'm secretly black. I mean, I think I've done more black things than white things in my time here on the planet (Mad Dog 20/20 at Mardi Gras when I was 15, eating ribs on Sunday afternoon back when I ate meat, hatin' on just about er'body back when I was a hater, etc.) but now I'm painfully aware that if there's a Whole Foods around, my black ass is gonna be up in there, even though I'm white. And on Saturday in Memphis I should just point out that there were black people at the Whole Foods: shopping AND working - just like white people. OMG, diversity! I know, I know, I know. White people love a health food store. We just do. Sue us.

Have I preached about red lentils? Have I? I cannot remember but it bears repeating. Red lentils are the shit where a dry staple in your cupboard is concerned. Number 1, they taste awesome. Number 2, they're cheap. Number 3, they're way good for you. Totally pack a powerful protein punch and if that's not diverse I don't know what is!

I eat them for lunch a lot because they're really quick and easy to cook. I mix 1 part dry red lentils to 3 parts water (usually 1/2 cup lentils and 1.5 cups water) and bring to a boil, then turn down heat and cook for about five more minutes. Season to your taste - I love Tony Chachere's Cajun Seasoning though I'm trying to cut back on sodium so sometimes just use freshly ground black pepper - and eat up.