Thursday, February 28, 2008

White People

I am not sure if I shared the link that my friend Jane sent out a few weeks back - Stuff White People Like - but it's rather hysterical and a little bit humbling!


A post on water bottles. Does this person read my blog?

God, I feel so, so ... WHITE!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Flash Flash Click Click

OMG, I'm having to blog at night because tomorrow morning at 5:15 a.m., I'll be leaving my house with Derelicte - who'd better not be late if you're reading this - to drive to Demopolis, Alabama, to play photography with my company's wildlife services crew. They're a good bunch of wildlife biologists who do neat work designing and implementing management plans on over 900,000 acres of company and client property. Cool stuff; hopefully we'll get some good shots. But ready at 5:15 a.m.? Girl, I can think of about 120 things I'd rather do. And those 120 things are called minutes. Minutes that I'm asleep!

I cannot believe it's already the last week of February. Time really does fly. My niece was born on February 29, 1996. I cannot believe she's already turning 12. I remember the night she was born just like it was yesterday.

I pretty much figure I'm going to sleep a few more times and wake up 42. I hope I have my shit together by then.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Baby When The Lights Go Out ...

New Orleans was lovely this weekend. The weather was SPLENDID yesterday, which made it hard to be cooped up in a pilates studio training when what I really wanted to be doing was having Bloody Marys and people watching. Not to slight pilates, of course, because the training was fantastic and the instructor trainer was amazing. So amazing that I think I may go back in two weeks which will effectively have me in pilates matwork training for a full month of weekends.

I feel like I got much done in such a short span of time. In addition to my late arrival on Friday night (9:30) and horrid mistake of missing the parking garage entry to the most bitchin' apartment rental (pic taken from balcony) and thusly having to cross Bourbon Street at 10 p.m., I was able to find my way Uptown to hit up the American Apparel store on Magazine Street on Saturday and piece together some threads for a function I attended with friends later that night.

I love waking up early in the French Quarter when it's quiet and only the merchants are milling about, hosing the sidewalk and preparing for the day.

New Orleans is still limping along, but every time I go back I get a little more hope. It's not out of the woods and I encourage everyone to continue to listen to the story with interest. A lot more is going to come out of it. If anything, I am beginning to really see the opportunities that exist there. Strong leadership is what is required to turn the tide.

note: Today's title is a song by David Guetta. Check it out - very hott!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Gym Rat

I am pretty sure I told you already that I have joined a gym. This, in and of itself, is a bit of a contradiction for a pilates instructor and purist because, in actuality, you really only need the big P for a complete body workout but I'll leave that argument for another day. I mainly joined the gym because my company will reimburse me and there's more range for cardio.

So last night after doing an intense half-hour on the arc trainer whilst watching the debate, I got the big ID that I would do a little bit of the Cybex machines. Now, I should tell you, I worked out with a trainer the entire month before I moved away from Little Rock and I was really getting into my fledgling gym rat mode. I have all sorts of equipment and dumb bells at home too, you know, but there's something about going to a gym that I really like. I think it's the focus time.

Granted, I have the world's only body that refuses to respond to conditioning no matter how hard I try, but I still like to feel like I'm making an effort in some capacity, know what I'm saying?

Feeling all warm and stretched out, I did a few machines, including preacher curls on one, and today cannot move my left arm without whimpering. I'm pretty sure I pulled something. Damn you muscles. Damn you to Hell.

p.s. Any opinions on the debate?

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


Thank you everyone for your concern and messages yesterday after I posted my angry blog. And by everyone I mean Jon and Kelly. Your support was touching, and helped me get through the day without being a complete bastage. Happy happy sunshine friends, muthafuckas!

I probably didn't post this when I had the flu because, well, flu, but I had to miss my first weekend of matwork training in Memphis when I was ill. I went last weekend for weekend two, which was great, but must determine how to make up my missed training. Fortunately there is a matwork training beginning this weekend in New Orleans and I can go audit at no charge.

This means I had to tap into the network (that's code for gay mafia) and now am staying at a super bitchin' place in the old DH Holmes building at Bourbon and Bienville for a SWEET rate, and will be scooting down the interstate Friday night after work all hopped up on the SF Red Bull. I'll be in training on Saturday and Sunday and will get home late on Sunday night. Lots to do, but good stuff and I'll feel tons better having made up the first weekend of essential level training.

Robby + Pilates x New Orleans = Just What The Doctor Ordered!

An aside: matwork kicks ass!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't ...

Can I just say how irksome and petty some people can be and how much I wanna wind my damn fist up and invite them to Fist City? Girl I'm a rooster in an igloo ... I'll cold cock you!

Monday, February 18, 2008

Mind Games

I am not sure what it's called in psychology when you have convinced yourself that something has occurred, and in fact, it has not. I know it's not deja vu - which is the phenomenon of a current action also being a distinct memory - but am at a complete loss for a word here. It's probably something like "What Happens To A Person Right Before He Has A Huge Schizophrenic Break" and I'm completely oblivious. Or it could be, "Don't Try To Make Decisions When You Have Flu And Are Medicated."

The whole point of this story is that a few weeks back - surprise surprise - I had to get my Americal on because, let's face it, I love to shop. And I bought this bitchin' little blue vest. So, order comes in, I unpack er'thing, and last night began searching my apartment from top to bottom because I could not remember where I had put the vest. This is abnormal too because I always try everything on, look in the mirror, envision a scenario in which I might wear the item, what I will say, where I'll be, what I'll be doing, etc. - it's all part of The Robby Johnson Show and, no, this shit doesn't just come together spontaneously, it requires a ton of thought - and I certainly wasn't sure I'd done that but a part of me wanted to be convinced.

Lo and behold, one cannot simply log into an account at said website, so I couldn't check to see if perhaps I'd not received the order. My only option was to go dumpster diving. Fortunately I threw away the invoice last week and was away for the weekend, so it wasn't too bad. I did, in fact, find the slip and the vest is on backorder.

I really don't have time for that sort of crazy. I spent 20 minutes being kooky when simply reading the invoice at the outset would've given me my answer. Applied learning: read the fine print!

Friday, February 15, 2008

El Presidente

Is anyone else skeert over the way this contest for the Democratic nomination is unfolding? I am.

I will publicly admit that I am a loyal Hillary supporter. I think she's a brilliant leader with a true passion for the role, and a track record to back up her success.

I think Barack Obama is really nifty, and has tons of potential, but right now he doesn't say to me, "I'm the complete package."

I am also even more skeert of the what's going on over in GOP'ville. As you know, I'm pretty sure Mike Huckabee is one of the original horsemen of the apocalypse, and I'm pretty sure John McCain brings nothing more than a story to the table.

Try to remember we're interviewing a candidate for a job here. Which one of these individuals would you trust most as a key player in running your business? Think of it that way as you make your voting decisions. This is not about a top-down communicative push. It's about defining an expectation and holding someone accountable for the governing of our country.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Neutral Pelvis

I was telling my besties yesterday, via email as I am wont to do when I've had my a.m. Sugar Free Red Bull - yes, I'm an addict and I'm not giving it up even though it costs me $5 a day - my Stott Pilates training has really helped me understand anatomy, and I'm eager to learn more.

One of the five basic principles of pilates practice is stabilization of the pelvis. When we do the work we don't want to rock back and forth or side to side, and in order to stabilize we must recruit and engage the muscles of our pelvic floor and abdomen and lower back.

As illustrated, a neutral pelvis (and spine) is achieved when our ASIS and pubis symphysis line up on the same plane - not sure if it's the saggital plane or the other one but give me a break, I'm still learning! My pelvis naturally tilts anteriorly which defines a lordosis in my lumbar spine and manifests in very tight hip flexors. To put this in modern vernacular ... it's why I have a bodonkadonk.

We must always strive for that neutral position, however, and in order to get there I have to use my abdominal and pelvic floor muscles to find that position - not tuck my butt under or initiate from the lumbar spine. I have to pull from deep in the belly.

OK, that's enough of a pilates lesson for today. Do this - lie supine on the floor with knees bent and feet on the floor. Use the balls of your hand to find your ASIS (your hip bones), then form a triangle with your pointer fingers. Find your pubic bone with those, then determine if that area is flat on a horizontal plane - could you balance your martini there perfectly? If so, you're neutral. If not, you must correct one way or the other. An anterior tip (tipping forward) must be stabilized via the abs. A posterior tilt should be corrected through the sacrum and lumbar area.

Have a fabulous day!

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Hate On Me ...

Uhm, yeah, so like, I love this song even though I'm sure it's six months old and has probably already been done by 38 drag queens THAT I'VE NOT GOTTEN TO SEE PERFORM even though I love watching drag shows, but if you think I'm not susceptible to the allure of a sistah with a modern 'fro, you are wrong. Because I am. I totally am.

I might even need to get a tattoo that says "Hate On Me." Or, at minimum, make my own t-shirt. Or t-shirts. I'm not skeert of fabric, glue, and rhinestones.

Reminders To Relax ...

It's February 12 and I am making an effort to review my goals as opposed to it suddenly being January and I'm all, "OMG, save money!"

One of my goals at the beginning of the year was to to live the life that I have and to appreciate the downtime, reduce the stress of the time-race, etc.

It's stressful for sure - my job and other commitments tend to snowball on me - but at least I have this sort of mental barometer that indicates to me to relax and take it one project at a time. And so that is what I'm doing and I sorta wish those were my legs in the picture and I was in some really awesome hotel in Spain.

Oh, speaking of, last night I dreamed about my trip to the Mediterranean. There were lots of pregnant lesbians going on the cruise and I packed all of my clothes in a PRSA conference bag. I got to the transfer bus and was like, "Uhm, I don't think I brought enough clothes."

Note to file: Vuitton steamer trunk. Take everything.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Hurry Back To The Land Of The Living ...

The good news is that I survived Friday's tooth extraction. In fact, I only took Advil for day one and it wasn't even like a sharp pain - just a little dull and sore. So, yay me! My parents came up to take care of me and we had a really good time. Well, my Dad sorta got cabin fever at day two but hey, we watched all kinds of DVD's and HBO.

I liked this picture because it reminds me a little of Daft Punk. And I thought they were hot on the Grammy's last night. But do you know who wasn't hot? Kanye Effing West. OK, let me just put this out there. I'm REALLY sorry your mother is gone. However, your high-diva behavior - pre-existing her death, might I add - is repulsive and does her a greater dishonor. Man-up, you big chump. Man-up!

Also, Tina Turner rules and I thought Beyonce held her own performing with her. Aretha Franklin was looking a good mess, and whoever thought piano-playing Rhapsody in Blue was a good idea was oh-so-wrong.

Loved Carrie Underwood's performance of "Before He Cheats." She's such candy.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Still Kickin'

I am still alive. My post-flu recovery is all about this amniotic-like sleep. I slept 11 hours on Monday night, and 9.5 last night. I will post more later this week. I promise!

Friday, February 01, 2008

Wade In The Water

I'm sorry, but don't give a near-death gay man access to YouTube and expect him NOT to extract high-quality camp. It just doesn't happen. Probably has something to do with that special blend of drugs I'm on. A little antihistimine here, a Tamiflu there, an antibiotic thrown in for good measure - you know the drill.

Having just watched "The Quilts of Gee's Bend" on DVD (it's an Alabama Public Television special) I'm heavy in the mood for good gospel. "Wade In The Water" is definitely one of my favorites.

I have no idea who this actress is, or the movie, or why she'd be singing such a spiritual to the high school musical set ca. 1947, but I always love it when a performer makes a dramatic entrance with lots of jazz hands surrounding her.