Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Crown Holder

The very last thing I wanted to have to deal with - for the third time in nine years - was the mother f&#cking crown that is on one of my molars in my damned head. I am not even sure I needed the sumbitch to begin with. (OK, as you probably can already tell, this is a sore sport for me ... I've already hurled out three curses in the first sentence and it's not even 6 a.m. Breathe Robby. Breathe!)

The chronology:

1998 -
Dentist: Girl your tooth be cracked.
Me: Say what?
Dentist: You gon' need a crown.
Me: For realz?
Dentist: Mmmmmm hmmmm. Make that dolla. Your part gon' cost $800.

1999 -
Me: Ooooooh my tooth be hurtin' when I be drinkin' cold or hot.
Dentist: Girl you gon' need a root canal.
Endodontist: Hey man I hunt ducks and YEEEEEEHAWWWWWWW drill muthafucka, drill!
Me: Why my porcelain tooth ain't white and got this big cavity fill looking shit up in it?
Endodontist: Oh man, that's composite material, I can't match it back up.

2004 -
Me: Peppermint good. Love peppermint. Must chomp down on another. Ooooh, peppermint weird tasting. Must run look in mirror. Oh Hell, tooth has disintegrated!
Dentist: Girl u gon' hafta stop with the ice and hard candy. Your part gon' cost $700.

2007 -
Me: Gotta get out of town, must run into meeting ... oooh lollipops, must have lollipop ... OMG, did my crown just pop off?
New dentist: Girl you gon' need a new buildup and new crown.

Today -

The new crown gets seated.

Oy vey!


Jane said...

Buildup's not that part where they scrape a girl's gum down to expose more tooth, is it? Cause that shit hurts.

Cole ONeal said...

I would go through this for you I love the dentist....and I miss you loooots

Arkanzin said...

Bwahahahahaha! You know I'm not laughin atchya but dayum if you ain't makin me laughs hard this mornin!