Friday, September 28, 2007

Moth Haiku

Brown moth on my bed
I did not hear you come in
Damn I slept really well.

OK everyone, by the time I post Monday morning I will have been through weekend one of Pilates reformer training boot camp. Hopefully my core will be so sore that I will barely be able to walk. I love Pilates. It's so masochistic.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

How Would U Feel?

Over the years I've not really paid attention to who actually remixed the songs that I like. However, I've recently begun to do that and one of my favorites is David Morales.

I highly recommend his album "2 Worlds Collide," and if you're wanting to dig deep into your mid-90's vault, definitely add his mix of Toni Braxton's "You're Making Me High" to your cardio playlist.

Good stuff.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Inner Thigh Connection

ई स्ट्रगल विथ पेर्फेक्शन।

OK, I haven't written in Sanskrit in awhile. I have, however, done a few things in that span of time so I don't feel too badly and, seriously, if I knew that was really full-on legible Sanskrit, I would have it tattooed on my body somewhere because it says, "I struggle with perfection."

And so it is with pre-rollup, an exercise done in Pilates on the mat. What this woman will successfully do is slowly nod her chin to her chest and raise up, carefully articulating her spine so that one vertebrae lifts in sequence beginning with her neck, moving to her thoracic spine, and finishing with her lumbar spine. The motion will be reversed on the way down.

It is very hard to do and I will freely admit that I cannot do it for shit. I get like 1/4 of the way up and stall. I did learn, however, to put a yoga block between my thighs because if you squeeze hard enough and make that inner-thigh connection, you will connect to your pelvic floor and actually be able to use the transverse abdominus to lift yourself up.

Well, a yoga block and 30 lb. dumbbells over your feet, but hey, small steps right?

I will say that with my modifications, I can successfully do pre-rollup and that in just 2 short weeks I am seeing results in my lower abdomen. My goal will be to eventually be able to articulate with no props.

So, right now I have developed upper abs, developing lower abs, then the area I like to call Kansas because it's not New York and it's not Los Angeles. Kansas must go. Kansas is where my Permabelly v2.0 resides. I will smoke the bitches out come Hell or high-water!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Roll Tide ...

I'm going to admit something that, in this town could get you shivved ... I have never really been an Alabama fan. I'm an Auburn guy. I like me some veterinary school and War Damn Eagle. Plus, Tuscaloosa is full of these little sorostitutes and frat boys who drive around in their Range Rovers with big "W" stickers on the back and it makes me want to hurl, considering they're mostly cocaine users on Adderal with Daddy issues. Do I want to support that? No. No I do not.

However, school spirit rubs off on you and, being from a Mardi Gras town, I love an outdoor festival environment. So my two Baby Girl cousins came up Friday and we went tailgating Saturday out on the Quad prior to the UA vs. UGA game. We lost in overtime which was truly sucktastic but, hey, I got to wear my houndstooth so not all is lost.

I am booked every weekend through the end of the football season so this was my only opportunity to show some school spirit. Better luck next time, homeys. Oh, and John Parker Wilson, work really hard this week on a little somethin-somethin we like to call "pass completion." Not judging you, because you're pretty cool, just sayin'.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Properly Pulled Tails

For my peeps at the Chronicle Forums, here are a few photographs of a pulled tail. This is my former horse Rhodes Point, circa November, 2005. I only pull if the horse is cool with being pulled. If there is a slight chance I could get my teeth kicked in, I do the tail with clippers. With that said, I do think pulling looks nicer and, even more so, I like the tail pulled really dramatically (think Ginny Leng and "Priceless") and banged so that it falls about 4-6" below the hock. It most definitely is of benefit if you're doing a gallop across muddy going.

For all the non-horsey readers, I apologize for such a cryptic message. Once a horse person, always a horse person.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

And now an Earthy Message ...

I will be the first to admit that I love my bottled water. It's so easy, and so very integrated and ingrained in my life. I drink more water because of bottled water and I have to say that's not only convenient, but also really healthy. Do I sometimes think, "God, $6.99 for 24 bottles of water every week is crazy!?" Yes, of course I do, but that does not stop me because I am, of course, Robby Johnson. And you know what that means. It means I spend money. Period.

However, in our local paper yesterday there was an article on the significant waste that comes from this industry - like, 38-billion bottles made from 1.5 million barrels of petroleum. I was mortified. My "clean water" is actually creating more waste. And with the revelation that much designer water is bottled directly from a city water supply, the reality that you're getting "more pure" has quickly waned. Fact of life: it's H2O. What gives me the heebie-jeebies about tap water? The funk of the pipe and plumbing system.

Do I still want to filter my water? Sure. I try to minimize my parasitic intake.

The solution? Buy a water-filtering pitcher or install a filter on your tap. (I'm opting for the former since I rent the apartment where I live but, when I buy something, I will go for tap/shower installed.)

Do I need an easy and convenient way to consume my water? Of course! And so I did just what the article suggested and visited and in just 7 days, I shall have a glorious new water bottle to carry around. I bought this bottle but added a red top to it instead. Whee!

OK bitches, green-up!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


I'm not sure if anyone has read Anne Rice's "Vampire Chronicles," but can I just say the more I learn about Pilates, the more eerily similar they seem? Between "elders" and "she/he made fill in the blank," it's pretty much the same concept: apex-level creator and propagation of their legacy.

Having spent time on the mat in Arkansas, and now having moved into the equipment in Alabama, I can already recognize my vampires and, can I just say, none of mine are evil like Lestat? They're all pretty special to me!

This photograph is of Romana Kryzanowska, one of the elders trained directly by Joseph Pilates, teaching a mat class. On a whim, I booked a session with a teacher in Atlanta this past weekend who was trained through Romana's Pilates, and it was pretty cool stuff.

It's interesting that in Pilates - also very similar to riding - there is The Method, and the beautiful thing that is recognized is how the individual connects to it, and how they adapt themselves to it. I struggle in certain exercises, but it compels and motivates me to try harder. I hope I'll be a decent instructor one day! And when I am, I promise, no all-night blood binges!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Balance ...

Lately my life has felt a bit out of balance.

I tend to be much more focused on the hedonistic part of myself, and somewhat indifferent to the responsibility dimension. I think much of this has to do with my go-go-go practice, so I'm figuring out ways to just stay home and get some things done.

My weekend calendar is jam-packed through the end of November (some work, some play), and my goal is to spend December at home, as well as prepare for a 2008 that is a bit more manageable.

I still feel like a child sometimes, especially when it comes to my sense of wonder and thirst for new experiences. But lately I've had an underlying need to just "hold" with what I have and what I know, and really begin to perfect it. It's crazy, I know. I definitely am beginning to feel that I'm in a race against time.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Equid Update

Behold! Little Baby Boney has grown up and is looking like a million bucks in this photograph, taken Wednesday in Chicago at the American Eventing Championships, where he was competing in the Young Event Horse Finals. He finished 5th overall but, can I just brag, had the highest jumping scores for any 5 year-old presented. I am very proud, but other than co-breeding him with a dear friend in Canada, don't have much to do with his current success. His owner, Kaiti Saunders, of Alexandria, Virginia, and his Jockey, Allison Springer, bought him from me when he was just turning 3, and have done all of the work to make him a riding horse. Sure, sure, sure, I taught him all of the important things like wearing a bridle, how to be sprayed with a water hose/fly-spray (talk about drama!), getting his mane pulled, eating peppermints, and longeing (talk about drama!), but I have never physically sat on him.

It was my goal in breeding him that he would one day be able to compete in the Young Event Horse Championship, so I'm very pleased with his performance this week, and thrilled for his future with Allison and Kaiti. They are both amazing, amazing women.

On another note, breeding his 1/2 sister Ouisie this year did not go as planned. 2 breedings, an absorbed pregnancy, and about $1200 later, she's as yell as she can be. The plan is to try to breed her again next year, though I don't know if that's going to work out exactly. As much as I love horses and loved my life as an embedded barn rat, my current life really just doesn't allow the time - or the convenience - of owning or caring for them. When I ride, I like to be 100% immersed, and I'm somewhat specific about the conditions in which I like my horses kept. (They always live better than me!) I've not been able to find that around here, and, truth be told, am having a lot of fun on this horsey-hiatus. I know I will ride again, though in what capacity I'm not entirely sure. Horses are in my DNA and have been since I got my first x-ray from falling off our pony Dutchess when I was a little over 2 years old. A year or so later I was kicked in the forehead while chasing our other pony, Suzy, in the pasture. I think I had some sort of delusion, like we were running across the moors in England and it should've been really foggy and everyone should've been wearing long flowing white Celtic-inspired caftans, except it was Alabama and I am fairly sure I only had on a pair of shorts and was barefoot, even. Anyway, her hoof barely grazed my forehead but it knocked me flat on my back.

Alas! The crowning moment of my frontal-lobe injury is revealed!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Gorillas In The Mist

I was appalled and concerned when I read this article yesterday. I feel so badly that we could conceivably see an entire species go extinct in our lifetime. What is even more sickening is the fact that gorillas in Africa are apparently being killed in mercenary fashion to make political and economic statements.

Sorry to be Debbie Downer, but this is an awful set of circumstances.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


I meant to tell everyone that the other night, Monday I guess it was, I had a dream that I got a facelift. Except I didn't really want one, I just woke up to looking in the mirror and the doctor saying, "A complete success."

Except my skin felt really tight and I looked a bit like Uma Thurman.

However, I know I dreamt it because I read a quote from Brad Pitt that referenced life in the 40's, and he said, "It's not so bad, but your face really does start to go."

I don't think I want a facelift.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Crown Holder

The very last thing I wanted to have to deal with - for the third time in nine years - was the mother f&#cking crown that is on one of my molars in my damned head. I am not even sure I needed the sumbitch to begin with. (OK, as you probably can already tell, this is a sore sport for me ... I've already hurled out three curses in the first sentence and it's not even 6 a.m. Breathe Robby. Breathe!)

The chronology:

1998 -
Dentist: Girl your tooth be cracked.
Me: Say what?
Dentist: You gon' need a crown.
Me: For realz?
Dentist: Mmmmmm hmmmm. Make that dolla. Your part gon' cost $800.

1999 -
Me: Ooooooh my tooth be hurtin' when I be drinkin' cold or hot.
Dentist: Girl you gon' need a root canal.
Endodontist: Hey man I hunt ducks and YEEEEEEHAWWWWWWW drill muthafucka, drill!
Me: Why my porcelain tooth ain't white and got this big cavity fill looking shit up in it?
Endodontist: Oh man, that's composite material, I can't match it back up.

2004 -
Me: Peppermint good. Love peppermint. Must chomp down on another. Ooooh, peppermint weird tasting. Must run look in mirror. Oh Hell, tooth has disintegrated!
Dentist: Girl u gon' hafta stop with the ice and hard candy. Your part gon' cost $700.

2007 -
Me: Gotta get out of town, must run into meeting ... oooh lollipops, must have lollipop ... OMG, did my crown just pop off?
New dentist: Girl you gon' need a new buildup and new crown.

Today -

The new crown gets seated.

Oy vey!

Monday, September 10, 2007

Baby One More Time

Lord have mercy, as we'd say down South.

There are trainwrecks, and then there's Britney Spears.

I couldn't find a video to link on YouTube yet, but I know they'll be circulating today. I really feel sorry for her. She reminds me of Anna Nicole Smith - her "fame paradigm" has shifted in that I don't think people tune in to her with an authentic interest in her as a performer, but as a spectacle. It's really sad, actually.

The buzz on Brit is that she lives in an exalted world with a particularly loose grasp on reality. Maybe Brit should take a trip back to New Orleans, where she might go to work helping rebuild the city. Perhaps she should go back to school. I don't know, she needs to reach down and find herself, because it's obvious she's been nothing but a puppet for her entire career. And now that she is in a decision-making role, she's ill-equipped to make good choices.

But I don't think she can make that connection in her present world. She needs an authentic experience as a catalyst for change.

And on that note, I must hit the elliptical machine. Someone needs to grow a pair and inform Walking Oxycontin Addict that bikinis are for people who are somewhat in shape. I am taking a big dose of my own medicine, y'all.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Osama Bin It's All A Lie ...

I do not understand how "The War on Terrorism," which I tend to translate as "The War for Petroleum," because I've seen "Fahrenheit 911" and I just don't believe it's about terrorism at all, has failed so miserably at locating and capturing Osama Bin Laden.

He may as well be making an appearance on the MTV Video Awards this weekend. Or releasing his own fashion line at the New York shows this week. I mean, does he have a freaking PR machine behind him? What sort of underground terrorist "leaks" information about his next video appearance? And, tell me this, does that seem like the sort of person who would be really difficult to locate?

I would expect this from Lindsay Lohan. But not from the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Blog Fodder ...

You guys, I am all writer's blocked on my blog. I feel like it's gotten flat. I'll get inspired this weekend, I promise. I have been reading Anne Rice's book "The Feast Of All Saints" for, seriously, 12 years. I am now on page 86. It reads really, really slow but I know it will eventually pick up. It's an old book and is based on the mulatto society in New Orleans in the 19th century.

My friend Joe's condo in the French Quarter was built in 1850, and he told me the neatest story about its original owner, who he suspects was a town mistress for a plantation owner. It's such a wonderful story to think about, I don't care if it's true or not.

I loved this door, which belongs to his next-door neighbor. One of the book treatments I'm working on (fiction) is based in New Orleans, so I get inspired when I visit. Maybe I'll share a little bit of the manuscript once it's a tad more developed.

Let me know if you'd be interested in reading it.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

To The Victor Goes The Spoils

Play hard, work harder.

That seems to be the story of my life.

Is this a purposeful working mantra to which I make a huge personal investment? Subconsciously, yes.

What would I rather do? Work smart, work rewardingly, slow it all down, breathe deep.

I am a hummingbird. I buzz about at mach-3, swooping in for milliseconds. I want to be a bird of prey: soaring, watching, diving down like a laser, then going back to a perch to ponder.

Here's a pic from the Southern Decadence parade in New Orleans this weekend. I had a blast with my very good friends. I am thankful for them; they make life fun and memorable.