Monday, March 05, 2007

Gulfport: The Legend Of Barbara Jean

On Saturday morning I got up, packed a bag, threw Maddie in the truck, and hopped on the road to hit week 3 of the Gulfport Winter Classic horse show. Some friends from Arkansas (including No-lid Lilly, the new name of the mare whose eyelid I nearly, by accident, took off in a freak accident last weekend) were there competing.

This image is from the grand prix field yesterday morning, though the jumps were set for the low amateur owners (still level 7 and much bigger than anything I would ever canter down to!). It was a great time, we had a great cookout Saturday night at the campers, etc.

Now, I'm just going to tell you that I do not have a great relationship with Gulfport, Mississippi. Last year, en route from New Orleans to Mobile over Christmas break, with my horse in tow, I nearly ran out of diesel in war-torn Beirut post-Katrina Gulfport. Just thinking of it gives me the heebie-jeebies.

This time we had the distinct pleasure of visiting the Highway 49 Winn-Dixie to procure food for said cookout. Whilst rummaging the romaine in the produce, this vision of hooch walked in. Initially I thought she was the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith. Except she was probably 5 years too old. Then I thought she was a cocktail waitress in a Dolly Parton wig. But finally I settled on Barbara Jean, daffy wife of Reba's ex-husband on the now-canceled "Reba."

Don't act like you never watched it because you did. You know you did.

Anyhoodle, here's something I need to break down:

1. A red tank top in March is never a good idea. I am happy you've still got the relative shape to look decent in a tank top, but unless you're at the gym or Pilates class, you shouldn't wear one ever and, oh yeah, my bleeding eyes called and they're planning to sue you.
2. It's called toner. If you're going to bleach, you've got to tone. It's as simple as that. You avoid the brassy gold by using a toner with a blue or violet base.
3. Low-rise pseudo-Rock and Republic jeans were really the right choice for completing your Cry For Help outfit. I heard you loud and clear, hence today's post.

Just let me know what you need, Barbara Jean, and I will help you. If that's a trip to Casual Corner or The Gap for age-appropriate apparel, then count me in. Cinnabons on me!

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