Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Blurred lines ...

I am pretty sure the phenomenon I'm experiencing - difficulty discerning reality and dreams - is the result of too much stress, too much work, and living alone.

It really is beginning to freak me out, though.

I have always had a very vivid dream life. I dream in color, and my dreams are often very premonition-y. Throughout the day I will be hit with these images and memories that are somewhat akin to stage lights being turned on in a theater.

If I think about it too much I can either convince myself that I said certain things that I did not say, or did things that I did not do.

The past two mornings I have awakened at 3:30 - 4:00 a.m. for no reason other than anxiety/worry. This is not good. I know it's the stress of work and holidays and critical decisions that is getting to me. I don't feel like I'm on the verge of a breakdown, of course, because quite frankly I am past all that. It's not worth breaking down over.

I just feel lost inside this big expanse of noise and motion. But instead of fright I tend to marvel.

Is this the definition of madness?
Will Bigfoot ever break through him Crazy and just have normal day where he perform task, read paper, eat food, relax?

Stay tuned.

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